TODAY, I WILL HUMBLE MYSELF.

Yesterday was one of those hard days of teaching. It is the second to last week of school – extended from its original date due to snow days – and it is close to 100 degrees. We have no central air in the school.  The joys of urban education. 

An interaction with one student led to a phone call home. I must admit that this is my least favorite part of teaching. I can discipline but I feel it takes away from me actually teaching. The student, let us call her Mary, is smart, talented and definitely a leader.  She has, over the two years I have known her, changed quite a bit.  Her art skills have improved; her attitude has not.

Prior to today I have spent many days thinking of Mary. What types of lessons would engage Mary? What types of issues is she grappling with? How could I expand her world view? How could art make her feel less angry; less alone? Up until today I have not been able to answer all those questions.  Mary loves some lessons like the Arcimboldo self portraits but refuses to participate in others. Some days Mary and I are best friends. Some days, like today, I am her arch-nemesis.

Mary poses a constant frustration for me. Or maybe not so much Mary herself but the 5% like Mary who need more. More time, more attention, more resources, more love. And it is the adults, parents, teachers, administrators, politicians, who refuse, can’t or don’t know how to give more that truly frustrate.  

I think yesterday I forgot to love Mary. I forgot that as a teacher and as a mentor there are times I do not know what to do or say. There are times I need to give more, to become fully human in my ignorance. 

~Vanessa López-Sparaco